gurudarshan kaur's

2010-12-18T14:20:00.000-08:00

Opening up to the Powers of Manifestation. If you conceive it, & believe it, you will achieve it!

not so much

2007-08-12T19:18:00.000-07:00

I didn't do my writing today because I slept really late (I'm not on a regular sleeping pattern since I was sick) and once I woke up I did a lot more communicating than I've done in the last month. I'm generally a talker and from being sick I really went more inside myself than I've ever been. It's like I turned from an extrovert to an introvert. It has been a fascinating transformation.

One person I did talk to was a young Indian Sikh child (13) who is doing a film for the Sikhnet Film Festival. He has a great idea about bringing awareness to ourselves as a human race by simply reaching out and connecting. He did this by interviewing people in his own neighborhood. This helped him both learn about different cultures/races/religions as well as teach about his own background as a Indian Sikh. It inspired me both to get back on the ball with making movies as well as send in my own film to Sikhnet. I am going to submit the video I did for MPA when I lived in India, but I also want to do another one. I have looked through some of my own footage and I think between the video footage and my photography, I can make something happen.

I also have been researching online to get a good website where I can showcase the goods that I am selling to make a living right now. I have realized the deep importance for me to have a job where I'm expressing my own creativity and running my own world. So, along with pursuing photography professionally by connecting with Yoga magazines, I am doing a wholesaling importing business of Indian goods. The first step, though, in our day and age is to get the products and photographs up online. So, in my research I just found a website where I am going to be able to show my goods - like an online brochure. I'll put in the prices for retail, but have it as a place that my wholesalers can go to in order to see what I have to sell them. I am excited about this as it is an answer to what I've been looking for.

I realize that it is important for me to remember that in life I don't have to 'do' everything. Instead, it's important for me to be able to have the vision for what I want to manifest and instead of getting up to try to make it happen, it's important for me to sit and let it evolve and come to me. Before I would always get up and chase after what I wanted. This is a whole new paradigm for me as it is a way I have never worked. But I do believe that it is a skill that will advance the capacity of my being and my vision in this world. I realized that I don't have much energy on this planet and if that is the case, then I have to use what I do have wisely.

In that spirit, I am going to do the meditation for guidance that I've been wanting to do and avoiding all day long.

Night :)

Starting my Artist Pages

2007-08-11T11:16:00.000-07:00

So this is my new journal. I figured that whatever I am going to be writing, I should be ready and willing to share it with the world as it is but a spirit having a human experience. We are all in the same boat. So I am going to attempt to write everyday the recommended 3 pages from that book the Artist's Way. It is supposed to help and support one's creativity to flow through. Therefor, I am making this blog very unofficial and if I want to write about how I'm feeling today or a thing that pissed me off, I'm going to share it. Basically I am attempting to not censor myself.
I have always thought that in the Aquarian Age, everything will be transparent. I can already see it happen when I look at someone and there is an inner knowing to everything that person is dealing with in the present moment. It's like how they talk about in the Guru that each person's destiny is written on their forehead. It's funny how we walk around and think that we are going through what we are going through and other people don't know. But actually, every thought and feeling that you have are right there out in the open within your aura that other people can read and pick up on. I think about this a lot being a woman. I think about how it depends on my projection whether I am going to attract certain kinds of energy or not. I thought it was so fascinating a few years ago when a friend of mine would attract these 'stalkers' who would be so obsessed with her they didn't know what to do with themselves. She saw a healer/psychic who said that she herself had that kind of stalker relationship with the divine. She was always going after the divine so intently that it was written all over her aura. Therefor she would attract that energy that she was sending out to the Universe.
I also think about when I've been in relationships and when I haven't, how much I attract male attention or energy towards me. When I've been 'on the hunt' more or less, I've gotten to watch the laws of attraction either get stronger towards me or get even farther away. However, when I'm in a relationship, when my aura is projecting that I am not available, I almost hardly ever get male attention or energy. It's like I hold a certain vibration that I am not to be looked at in a certain way, as I'm spoken for. I love the power we hold as humans and especially for me as a woman to be able to be aware of these kinds of things.
So, I just got over being so sick! I got so weak that I couldn't even write an email, which to me, being of this information age, says a lot. It was scary to watch all of my energy go down down down the drain and not be able to do anything about it.
Alright - I am going to take a brake and write a little later. My intention is to write for tomorrow and the next day and the next day. If this helps anyone, great, and if this has no impact on the world except for me to figure out some things within myself, that is great too.
god bless

Unpeeling the Onion

2007-07-04T19:25:00.001-07:00

Quote from the Guru is listed above with some of my art.

Remember, it may start to burn your eyes as you peel away layers of the onions, but it's important to do for all you touch won't be affected by such a burn or a sting. We are constantly evolving to serve others, to serve ourselves, to serve the divine reflection that is the G.O.D. force galactica.

2007-07-03T22:23:00.000-07:00

2007-06-25T15:10:00.000-07:00

The Goddess Shines in the Radiance of the Light. We are Here Now to Spread that which is our truth - ever radiant simple, sweetness. To live healthy, happy, holy, and Hot. No questions. It's the dream we awaken from.

2007-04-09T10:30:00.000-07:00

Cleaning the Nectar Tank in the Bliss of the Mud

From where we're from to where we go

Through the looking glass

2007-04-09T10:23:00.000-07:00

Let Us Surprise You

The Dream

Scapeside in Kashmir

2007-04-09T10:18:00.000-07:00

Crystal Tears

The journey

Vegetable Vessle

2007-04-09T10:11:00.000-07:00

Nihung Representing

Shikar in Kashmir

Radiance in the Fractal

Taj Mahal

2007-04-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

The sweet smell of India

Goddess Sculpture

Mother Earth's Skin

2007-04-09T09:47:00.000-07:00

On the jetstream

Ancient Wisdom

Birds of a Flight

The ray through the Myst

To Just Be

2006-09-21T05:08:00.000-07:00

Today is a new day...and i woke up with a cold.

slowing down. i realized after i wrote my last email how much energy I put towards 'not quite getting it'. towards my inner resistance. I went and meditated by the waterfall in Bhagsu after having trouble breathing for a while. When I was there, i relaxed into the fact that I am being provided with exactly what I need at every second whether that is breathing with ease or an asthma attack.

today as i woke up with a runny nose i relized the fact that right now, i am perfect just the way i am. I am me.
If I haven't fully grasped or gotten a concept that I feel I can transcend, then this is part of the process. I am here to simply listen, to simply be.

I went to the tibetan museum at the Temple today, and also hung out with a young tibetan man who had travelled 36 days through the Himilayan mountains to get to Dharamsala to meet the Dalai Lama. A country, a culture in exile all for what? the stories of oppresion and robbery of tradition really touched my soul with compassion and a desire to understand. It make me think of why we have the karmas that we have. It made me think about my own internal struggle and simply let it go, as the game of relativity played strong, and regardless, i am truly blessed, as are all of you.

To my friend Tinzen meeting the Dalai Lama was like making it to heaven, meeting god. he spent the first 22 years of his life have this desire and he hadto go through hell to make it here to dharamsala (he got frostbite, ran out of food, got stuck in snow storms, etc). He is now selling cd's on the street and hanging out at age 28. i asked him if he liked it here, but he said that he prefers living in tibet more, though it would be too dangerous for him to ever go back. Funny that he spent his whole life with a mission, and now that he has succeeded, he just lives everyday thankful, but nonetheless, just lives everyday existing.

We all make trade offs to how and why we live our lives. sometimes we are living for a goal adn we don't see what the downfalls will be when we reach it. sometimes we are living in a blind state of monotony and 'having to get our bills paid'. someitmes we just are.
Judging the blessings of the trials is not in our hands to decide, but merely a divine play and dance by the creator. It's all relative. even this moment is.

Deeper Into the Mother

2006-09-21T05:04:00.000-07:00

I'm here in Dharamsala. Ahhh....to breathe and relax into the vibration of the sweet mountains...with the heart centered spirit of the Tibetans. I came here for the few days before I start teaching. Sat Pavan and I have enjoyed the food and spirit of Dharamsala before she goes to a Vipassana meditation course.

I have been coming to a deep realizaiton over the past few weeks that I wanted to share. Its sort of long..and it is a deep delving into my psyche...so, enjoy if you want to:

Over the last few months, I realized how much of my whole life I had been playing the 'victim role'. It has been divinely intertwined with having asthma my whole life and with the journey that has unfolded for me. Last year during Tantric I experienced something I never had before. I watched a teenager have an asthma attack in the Tantric line. I, believe it or not, had never seen someone have an asthma attack - I had only experienced it within my own self. Ever since that day, I made the decision to never have to be hospitalized again and to let go of having asthma. I began to change my diet, began working with Guruchander who did one of the Siri Singh Sahib's healing techniques for anger with me (for many months) and prayed to release the need for asthma in my life. It took me many months to incorporate that shift in my psyche...but it ended up that in June, I was asthma free.

Then everything else started to change. I realized that I didn't have to submit to anything. I didn't need to be the victim in any part of my life. Very truthfully, it was part of the reason why I decided to quit my job in Espanola. I realized that I had been doing this work and using my energy for things that didn't fully feed my soul (though I am thankful and honored to have learned all that I did - as it was a necessary part of my life to get me to the here and now). I moved into a space of honoring my self, my truth, and my life more fully and with reverence to myself, as opposed to reverence towards that which was outside of myself. So, I finished my job, packed up my possessions and put them in storage, and then began to travel. I first went to San Francisco where I worked at a job that, well let's just say, didn't feed me. Being in a new, different vibrational field gave way to my own insecurity. I worked so much and got paid a lot for it, but didn't follow my truth of taking care of myself and honoring my life force. I then stayed at my friends' house who had a cat which only added to physical challenges...and I got asthma back. This was a big blow to the confidence I had gained when I was asthma free. There were also some situations that I attracted to show me that I still played into that old pattern of being the victim, not feeling like I had a choice in matters, etc. Once I left there, I went to Los Angeles and appreciated the climate and my surroundings without the cat dander a lot more, though I still used the inhaler there. I felt more grounded, but just had a few days before I left for India.

When the Universe opened up the new plans of moving to India for me, I felt like I was having to surrender to my higher self...surrendering to listening to my truth again. I did in many ways feel like I didn't have a choice in the matter...but I know that the choice was choosing to listen to my higher self or not - and I could have always not listened and gone through with my previous plans....but I own the fact that I chose not to ( and I'm extremely thankful that I am not living in India and committed to my self here).

I feel like once I realized that I have been playing the victim role my whole life, I was able to experience living life without being a victim, empowered in my own self for the last few months I was in Espnaola. Then, I chose to test myself with it in a new environment - and I got to see that I fell back into an old pattern. Then, when the divine and my higher self was showing me this new path in India, I still reacted in the 'victim' mindset - but I feel like here in India, I am able to see all of it more clearly. I am watching my interactions.. I am watching myself when I feel insecure. I am watching what it feels like when I am empowered in my relationship with myself and with God (for example, the experiences I have at Gurdwaras). I know and trust that I can move fully into my own power...but it isn't just going to happen overnight. It is a process. And as I go within more and more, I get to see my capacity as my own author.

I am going to use these next few days in Dharmasala to vision and meditate on what my everyday will look like when I start teaching at MPA. I want to be clear about what I'm creating for my life. What is going to truly feed my soul everyday? What is going to feed the next few years of my life?

Moving into more power and ownership of my own life is definitely a big leap and step into full responsibility for everything that happens in my life. Its new territory and when I slip sometimes I am hard on myself, but I'm learning to be gentle with myself and allow these baby steps to happen peacefully with compassion. I feel like these are the moments of growth that truly allow for me to move into the next stage of life and service to my self, to my peers, to the world, and to the divine.

I have been going through many thoughts trying to figure this out...and I feel like it is more crystallized in my psyche after writing this. So, blessings from this land of the Mother...to know myself, my limitations, and what to do to be a better person.

City of Bliss

2006-09-21T05:03:00.000-07:00

I just spent a weekend in Anandpur Sahib - the Holy City of Bliss. I travelled there with all of the students to begin the filming/documentary process. Just to let you know, I have completely decided to take the job here in India. We are still negotiating my livivng expense cost, but I am fully dedicated to teaching these students. After spending the week with them, I felt more and more confident and aligned with my destiny and the desire to be in service to their growth and capacity. I also got a phone - if you ever feel compelled, you can call me at 011 91 987 217 7362

So, I felt more in love and more in marriage to the Guru than I ever have. We visited the gurdwara where Guru Gobind Singh got married, the place where he wrote Bentai Chopai, and a few of his forts. I have great experiences at every place. Once I tuned in, I could feel the power and spirit that Guru Gobind Singh carried with him. I went into deep meditation and felt compltetley merged with teh essence of God and really got to a deep place of understanding of my name. My name means the presence, wisdom, or blessings of the Guru - the teacher and that which takes you from darkness to light....it was a great feeling to know that my destiny is to just be and let the flow of the divine come through. Yeha yeah, I know it, it might wound a little hokey...but....it's where I'm at.

love from the heart
gurudarshan

Chapter 1: Change of Plans

2006-09-21T04:58:00.000-07:00

So....are you ready for some news? After my 42 hours of traveling, I finally arrived...all my kids with me (whew! that was fun!). I have been staying at the SSS's house across from the school this whole time and getting acclimated to the new time zone. Today was my second time going to the Golden Temple. I got the opportunity to read all my morning Banis there...what a blessing. The GT opens my heart up so much and brings out my higher self on all levels. What a blessings.

One funny thing that really helped me realize that I was in India was when I was riding the bus from Dehli to Amritsar. It was about an 16 hour ride...and I was falling asleep the whole time off an on. One time my eyelids opened up and I saw a creature walking across the divider in front of me. I didn't realize if it was just my imagination, but I quickly opened up my eyes wider and tried to see what it was. Just as I was dozing off again, a little mouse appeared again. I had two choices. I could either freak out that there were rodents on our bus, or surrender to the fact that this was this mouse's little home and I was the intruder. Ahh, India.

We also stopped at a Dhaba (little food shack on the side of the road) to figure out where the other two buses were. When we were here, I got to see a man puking...just standing there puking. It's one of those funny things that you don't want to look at, but at the same time can't stop looking at. The polarity we experienced was after driving 5 km down the road and going to an 'upper class' restaurant and eating great paranthas - clean water...bathrooms with toilet paper, etc.

So, I feel like I'm home here, even with all the insanity and crazy events outside.

On my first night I was offered a position teaching photography at the school. The next day I was offered the job of making the MPA informational video (all the marketing adn PR for the school). I know that my plans have been to go to grad school, but being offered these jobs opened up a part of my psyche. For some reason, I knew that when I came to India, I would figure out where I was going to be livivng adn what I was goign to do with myself in America. I considered San Francisco and LA (as my school is in LA), but over the last few weeks, neither seemed to really fit. It felt right being asked to stay here in India. Besides, when I was 15, the Siri Singh Sahib gave me a hukam to come and teach at the school. Somehow its opening up as what is supposed to be right now.

I went to the Golden Temple the next morning to ask if I was just being crazy by considerign staying or if it is really in my destiny. I went into deep meditation there and asked where I should be living. I got the VERY CLEAR answer that I need to stay here. Upon that answer, I asked again and again... "Are you sure?" I kinda of can't believe it....but I'm also listening to my intuition and follwoing my destiny with this. I'll update you more soon - I am going to see where I"ll be living today and really start to integrate what it means to living in India.

Over adn out. Love you so much!

Off to India: Prolougue

2006-09-21T04:55:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow (Thursday) I embark on my month long journey through India. Last time I went to India, about 2 or 3 years ago, I wrote updates of my journey every week or so. In the spirit of that (and due to the response that I received), I am intending to document my trip once again Also, as an update, I moved from New Mexico (I currently have no landing ground....but will figure that out soon) and will be attending the University of Santa Monica to get a Masters degree in Spiritual Psychology starting in October. Alright...over and out.God bless Gurudarshan

2006-08-25T23:54:00.000-07:00

Relaxing into the new perspective of life

2006-08-25T23:53:00.001-07:00

Archaic Noise

2006-08-25T23:53:00.000-07:00

Into the Womb

2006-08-25T23:52:00.002-07:00

Into the Looking Glass

2006-08-25T23:52:00.001-07:00

Center of Light

2006-08-25T23:52:00.000-07:00

The Fairy Card Express

2006-08-25T23:51:00.002-07:00

The book of mystery

2006-08-25T23:51:00.001-07:00

Guru Shabd in deep prayer

2006-08-25T23:51:00.000-07:00

Deva Kaur

2006-08-06T20:22:00.000-07:00

Guru Ram Das holding it down

2006-08-06T20:11:00.000-07:00

flying through the night

2006-05-24T16:23:00.000-07:00

Journey into Bandelier National Park (located near Los Alamos in New Mexico). This was our refreshing weekend getaway. It was a 5 mile hike. These are the visual reflections of the experience that the mountain shared with us. Hope you enjoy ;)

2006-05-24T16:22:00.000-07:00

Bandelier's hidden secrets. It was so amazing to be cradeled in her essence

2006-05-24T16:21:00.000-07:00

Lovely Deva shining on our adventure

2006-05-24T16:20:00.001-07:00

The first waterfall we saw there

2006-05-24T16:20:00.000-07:00

It was so amazing to see how the land forms here - the rocks were all pushed and pulled - what a cool thing to see in something that we always think is inanimate - it's really living and changing here all the time

2006-05-24T16:19:00.000-07:00

Getting a facial - the real way!

2006-05-24T16:18:00.000-07:00

The Creek - it was so peaceful

2006-05-24T16:17:00.001-07:00

The Falls

2006-05-24T16:17:00.000-07:00

Close Encounters of a fairy kind

2006-05-24T16:16:00.001-07:00

Imagine the story that's woven in here!

2006-05-24T16:16:00.000-07:00

Reaching out to Touch Herself

2006-05-24T16:15:00.001-07:00

Bandelier's Majesty

2006-05-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

A really dope picture - I love it!

2006-05-24T16:14:00.001-07:00

Guru Shabd getting to the bottom of things

2006-05-24T16:14:00.000-07:00

The end of the journey

2006-04-11T17:02:00.000-07:00

Sat Purkh, Me, and Guru Purkh Kaur at Sat Atma's engagement party on Saturday April 8th

2006-04-08T16:02:00.000-07:00

Wow, so its been months. I am doing a new and exciting project for the Khalsa Council (http://www.khalsacouncil.com/). I am the KC Secretary and we have meetings twice a year that I help to deliver. I do all the logistics for the meetings and usually do one amazingly creative project that I present to the Council of 200 International Sikh Ministers from all over the world.

This time I get to do an amazing project of documenting how the Guru is working through us. I grew up as a Western Sikh under the guidance of the Siri Singh Sahib. He passed away 1 and 1/2 years ago right after I moved here to Espanola. So, since the passing of our beloved teacher, though some might have questioned what our next steps were as a Global Sangat, I am realizing that we are alive and kicking.

The amazingly creative project that I'm doing is to document what is happening all over the globe in relation to Sikhs and students of the Siri Singh Sahib. This is a daunting task of researching who, where, and what is going on, so I am thankful to have the help of Gurumustuk Singh who has already been doing a lot of the footwork through his blog. With that, I have gone through every single blog post, and yes, it has taken me a while to go through it. I am also going through many of the other blogger's sites that are linked off of his. I am truly amazed and blessed to be connected to all those in the world this way.

What I'm finding is the power of the Guru really working through us.

And, in that regard, I want to update you on the last few months. In December at Winter Solstice down in Florida (http://www.3ho.org/) I took Amrit. There are a few pictures listed below. Since then, I feel a lot of things in my life have been really hard. I came back home to hear that a dear friend of mine died in a car accident. She was someone that I knew from college and soooo amazing. Missy was the sort of person who walked into a room and made everyone feel comfortable just with her presence. She would always give the most amazing hugs and LOVE to everyone. She was someone who truly lived life. I have always heard growing up that Guru Gobind Singh said to 'Live every moment like it was your last.' This dear sister of mine embodied this statement. Missy Barron, I love you and miss you a lot.

Now, this is the second friend of mine who has died since November. Lili Cloud died in November from Cancer. What is really weird is that Missy and Lili were best friends. Missy even went to take care of Lili in her last days. Now, I have really done some soul searching to figure this out - and I have to give it to the Guru because I'm not sure why that happened. On a spiritual level, I am happy that they are with God and supporting each other. I am happy for them to have completed this journey, to have ferried across the world ocean. However, on a personal and ego level, I miss them dearly. There is a lot of anger, grief, and sadness that I feel about their passing.

It was really strange that these profound life changing events happened right around my decision to take Amrit. I know that to me taking Amrit represented my relationship with the Guru and letting go of those things that which didn’t serve me anymore. I know that when I took Amrit, I was giving my head to the Guru so that I no longer needed to make decisions. The whole act was a representation of my faith in the higher order of the universe and in the Guru.

However, due to the passing of my friends, I seemed to have lost a lot of faith. When Lili died of cancer, it was gradual process of acceptance because I knew she was going to die. But, when Missy died, it took my whole psyche by storm. I just don’t know why she had to go. It is not for me to know, as I know it is the perfect destiny, but I have lost a lot of faith in that perfect destiny since then.

It’s 4 months later and I’m only now realizing all of this. I’m sitting here crying because grief runs so deep, deeper than one would ever expect. At first it hit me really hard that she died, and then I sort of had to put it in the back of my consciousness. Well, I guess now its time to deal with it.

My Anger: Why did she have to go? She was so full of life and love. What is this master plan that unfolds everything? I have always believed that part of my mission on the planet is to work with my brothers and sisters who are Warriors of Light to help serve in the shift of frequency on the planet from the Piscean to the Aquarian Age. I know that all of those who have touched me in my life are the Warriors of Light who stand with me side by side as we face the challenges of now.
With the loss of these beautiful Warriors, I feel, well, unsupported by the Universe. I know that they are doing their work on other levels, but in my egotistical self, What About the Mission? Why? Why? Why?

My Sadness and Grief: I miss them so much, just knowing that they were on the planet still. They were taken when they had so much to give. I guess nothing to give anymore, though.

It’s really hard for me to accept the part of the cycle that is death. I’m not going to lie. It’s really hard. Now, I know that if you look at the seasons or the cycle of the moon, the death always needs to happen in order for there to be life again, but when you are physically, mentally, socially, emotionally, spiritually living in it, that is when things get tough. Who signed me up for this? I know it is a gift and the more I can go into the anger and the grief and learn what I need to and then release it, the better ---- but it’s FAR easier said than done.

Wahe Guru.

I don’t think I can write anymore right now.

2006-01-11T21:15:00.000-08:00

The Sangat greeting everyone after the ceremony

2006-01-11T21:07:00.000-08:00

The New Amritdari Sikhs

2006-01-11T20:32:00.000-08:00

The Amritdari Sikh's and the Panj Piare

A little while later...

2005-12-12T19:54:00.000-08:00

Sat Nam,

So I know that I haven't written in a little while. I have been busy healing in my life.
During Tantric, I got the blessing of seeing another person have an asthma attack. You might say, "Wow, but that's not good!"
I've lived with asthma my whole life. I have had it as long as I can remember. But, for the many times that I've had to go to the hospital with asthma attacks, I've never, ever seen anyone else have one. Strange, I know.
I was sitting in the Tantric lines doing the meditation and in the direct line of my vision was a 16 year old boy who was going through an attack that I know all too well. I felt so much compassion for him that I started to cry. It was unbelievable to see someone so overtaken with restriction. I saw my self.
After the exercise I made sure he was being looked after by the doctors we had participating in Tantric that day. Then, time went on and I kept on checking on him. A little while later, I saw him and he didn't look good. I knew that he had been fighting to breathe all day long. I saw how his hands and his lips were purple. I also saw that bewildered look in his eyes as he clamored to stay here in his body to overcome this inflamation - but it almost takes more energy to stay here when you've been fighting an attack for 4 or more hours.
I know this look and the thought patterns behind it. I remember it all too well.
I told my friend that even though he said he was fine, he wasn't. He had been struggling for too long, and it was time for him to really get help. I have had attacks where I've fought it off for 6, 8, or 10 hours even. It is a struggle to take your next breath. It is really hard because you are focusing so hard on trying to breathe, but you know that just to think about the fact that you can't breathe is overwhelming - and then you start to subtley panic amidst the shallow breaths. It is one of the hardest things to go through. I have always felt so helpless in these situations, but now I have been blessed to be the outsider looking in. I now know what it looks like to see someone so helpless. They called the paramedics and hooked him up to a nebulizer until he calmed down.

This was such a blessing for me, because with this new perspective (being the outsider for the first time), I, after 24 years on this earth, am making a conscious choice to NEVER have another asthma attack again. I just won't allow it.
Since I moved here, I have known what to do to get rid of Asthma. There is a Sikh doctor who has cured 24 out of 25 people. And, it all comes down to discipline.
I know that I need to be SO disciplined about my diet. I need to take out any allergy inducing foods such as wheat, dairy, sugar, tofu, and fruit - while still getting enough protein (as I am a vegetarian). So, I've always looked at this as, "AHHHHH - I won't be able to eat ANYTHING!!!!" However, what I'm realizing is that I can't look at this as a limiting thing. I have to look at this as the opportunity to support my body so much that I can clear myself of this thing I've carried around all my life: asthma. I know that it will be hard, but I know that it is worth it to never have to feel helpless again.
I also know that a breathing technique called Breath of Fire would be great for me to re-learn how to breathe and to dispel any toxins from my being. I would have to do it everyday.
I haven't started this yet, but.....if I really want to make this happen, I have to truly align my FULL being and get the job done.
Ultimately, though, as my doctor said today, it is about really envisioning what my life would be like if I didn't allow any self-destruction in it. So, it is all about conscious choices and loving myself so much that I really, truly, let go of that which does not serve me.

I can do it.

Wish me luck!

Blessings, Gurudarshan

2005-12-02T01:29:00.000-08:00

In the bottom of the Nectar Tank. There was soo much Mud that everyone took out. It was such a collaborative effort and so beautiful to see so many people pitch in. Here are some American Sikhs gathering in the Blissful Mud

2005-12-02T01:28:00.000-08:00

Prayer in the Holy waters

2005-12-02T01:27:00.000-08:00

A man celebrating Kar Seva by making sure the Fishes in the Nectar Tank are ok.

2005-12-02T01:25:00.000-08:00

A different view of the Golden Temple through the railing that is usally under water

2005-12-02T01:24:00.000-08:00

Another shot of the GT

2005-12-02T01:23:00.000-08:00

One of the Miri Piri Academy Students at the Golden Temple

2005-12-02T01:22:00.000-08:00

The journey is always beginning and ending

Tantric

2005-11-26T07:25:00.000-08:00

Blessings,

Today we are doing White Tantric Yoga at the Ashram. It's going to be a great and long day. If you haven't ever done it or heard of it, I suggest everyone tries. You can find out more at www.whitetantricyoga.com. It is such a blessing to be able to do it, but I'm also feeling resistance inside me. I guess it is a Great way to cleanse yourself, but sometimes it's hard to see that you've got That much dust on your ceiling fan (I know it's a weird metaphor, but seriously, mine definitely needs to be cleaned).
So, I'm on the way to make myself shine a little brighter, evolve a bit, and grow in the company of the Holy.

Blessings to you - I'll let you know how it goes
Sat Nam
Gurudarshan

2005-11-12T07:40:00.000-08:00

Words of Wisdom with my photo of Fall time here in Espanola

Mirabai's Bhakti

2005-11-12T00:49:00.000-08:00

Mirabai, 1498 - 1563, is considered to be one of the greatest women mystics in the history of India, and is seen as a great Saint by most all Vaishnava, Sant, Sikh and Hindu Paths. Below is from Mira, the Divine Lover, Radha Swami Book Dept.

Mirabi was a great poet-mystic, lover of the Beloved or bhakta (devotee). __________________________________________________________________________________

My Master joined me with my Source,
the Sound (Shabd),
And I am lost in its Melody.
Ever do I live in the Shabd
My Master blessed me with.

Mira has known the Almighty Lord
By merging in the Ocean of Shabd.

Within this body the gong resounds
In sweet strains of Eternal Song.
Within this body of ten doors,
Day and night rumbles the Sound of drum.

Within this body burns a Flame
In resounding waves of brilliant Light.

O friend, the firmament within
Resounds with the Divine Melody.
Listen, my soul, to the clanging sound
That reverberates without any cymbals.
On the peak of Sunn burns a lamp;
Forever it burns without any wick or oil.

In Bhanwar Gupha revel bees
around flowers of bliss,
Flowers whose fragrance overwhelms
them with ecstasy,
Within Bhanwar Gupha swing souls
in exuberance;
Souls, who on getting the body
of five elements,
Did light the lamp of divine knowledge
within it.
My eyes oblivious of all else now gaze
at the Beloved without blinking.
The stupor caused by endless wanderings
has vanished,
And the Beloved speaks to Mira directly.

I love reading this becuse it is in the same frequency of reading from the Siri Guru Granth Sahib. So beautiful! I started a Sahej Path in honor of my friend Lili - and I read about 1/2 a day - so that means I'll probably be reading it for atleast a year if I keep up at this pace. The Guru teaches me at every moment to be with the divine and remember the Divine so that upon my soul's journey back home, I remember the source even without my mind/body. This way I won't have to be reincarnated again and live in that which is duality, that which is living on this earth. This praise is so powerful. Wahe Guru!

God bless her journey

2005-11-07T22:40:00.000-08:00

Well, my beloved friend Lili just passed out of her physical form today. God bless her. I am really happy that she is out of pain now. It has been a very transformative experience to go through from afar (she is in North Carolina). I have been learning how to tune into her spirit and work in that realm and assist as much as I can. Its been extraordinary to be able to talk to her spirit and help guide as much as I can. I really ... don't have words for it. She is teaching in so many ways about life and about death. I've come to a lot of realizations about the fact that really we are living to die - preparing ourselves for that moment where we can merge with the divine again. I also understand reading from the Guru in a totally different way now. It's as if it is revealing itself more, the more I understand the impermanence of this maya. We have the ability to get caught in the Earth's magnectic field when we pass out of our bodies - and to remember God's name while in our bodies will help us remember it and guide us there when we go - guide us across the terrible world ocean. So, basically I'm changed and since this is the first out of the next 17 days that her soul will journey, I feel like I'm in for a ride of complete learning. I feel so blessed to be apart of this transition in this way. Wah!

Halloween 2005

2005-10-31T21:02:00.000-08:00

Blessings,

All of the pictures below were taken on Saturday night (the 29th, 2005) at a club in Sante Fe called Swig. I decided to do a documentary on Halloween because I found it fascinating to watch people dress up as other people/beings. Halloween seems like the only time of the year where a person is able to truly take a step out of themselves and venture into a projection unfamiliar to them. It comes in many forms such as movie characters, alter egos, or subconscious desires. I found it fascinating to capture people in this alter-projection. Either the person would fully embody the new 'face' or seem confused and on the spot about who they were supposed to be at the moment.
What was also fascinating was the limitation I found in female costumes. It seemed as if they felt trapped in the angel/vixen role of either being innocent or scandalous and sexy. I found the men, however, were able to push the envelope when embodying a different character, for example, there was a human dressed up like a toilet. Either way, this is a portfolio of human expression. Falling into different roles and archetypes, Halloween is truly a time to let go of oneself and delve into a different psyche - discovering how much of it is really in you.

2005-10-31T21:01:00.000-08:00

Miss Omstar doing her thing as BAT GIRL.
She is hanging out with the Department of Redundancy
Department of Redundancy

A Fat park ranger - Nothing like a Fat Public official

2005-10-31T21:00:00.000-08:00

A ghoolish yoda - Avtar Singh

2005-10-31T20:59:00.000-08:00

A flapper girl with Keanue Reeves

2005-10-31T20:57:00.001-08:00

Me as Cinderella

2005-10-31T20:57:00.000-08:00

Great pagan Goddess - Hari Bhajan Kaur

2005-10-31T20:56:00.001-08:00

Cinderella ready for the ball

2005-10-31T20:56:00.000-08:00

Beauty pagent contestants

2005-10-31T20:55:00.001-08:00

Ta da

2005-10-31T20:55:00.000-08:00

The lovely Sant Mukh

2005-10-31T20:54:00.000-08:00

I love it - a Man breaking it down!

2005-10-31T20:53:00.000-08:00

My favorite - a human toilet

2005-10-31T20:52:00.000-08:00

Van Halen gone wrong

2005-10-31T20:51:00.000-08:00

A glowing ghost!

2005-10-31T20:50:00.000-08:00

I'm gonna get you!

2005-10-31T20:47:00.000-08:00

This is the offspring from a legend of when the Night mated with a God. Very creative!!

2005-10-31T20:46:00.000-08:00

Mummi miah

2005-10-31T20:45:00.000-08:00

We had all the people of service here, a fire fighter, a cop, a nurse and doctor! Dressing up as these servants to humanity is very popular

2005-10-31T20:44:00.002-08:00

What a nice couple!

2005-10-31T20:44:00.001-08:00

Our on call nurse

2005-10-31T20:44:00.000-08:00

Doctor, you're needed in the operating room

2005-10-31T20:43:00.000-08:00

This cat is supposed to be a Killer Bee - get it?

2005-10-31T20:42:00.001-08:00

Mario rocking out! I love it!

2005-10-31T20:42:00.000-08:00

The fake half naked creature - I had no idea this is what he was wearing until I looked at the photo.

2005-10-31T20:39:00.000-08:00

The half naked guy

2005-10-31T20:35:00.000-08:00

A man who really became....whatever he is

2005-10-31T20:34:00.002-08:00

The dancer getting some extra light effects

2005-10-31T20:34:00.001-08:00

The energy of the night was very high

2005-10-31T20:34:00.000-08:00

Dance floor going crazy

2005-10-31T20:33:00.000-08:00

Thes best costumes! I love it when I see a duo

2005-10-31T20:32:00.001-08:00

Amrita chillin

2005-10-31T20:32:00.000-08:00

Lil devil!

2005-10-31T20:31:00.000-08:00

Sant Mukh - pimpin it

2005-10-31T20:28:00.000-08:00

Countess Dracula - Our lovely Guru Atma Kaur

2005-10-31T20:27:00.000-08:00

White Goddess

2005-10-31T20:26:00.001-08:00

An angel in the midst - Harimandir Kaur

2005-10-31T20:26:00.000-08:00

Booty call

2005-10-31T20:25:00.001-08:00

Cinderella getting down (me)

2005-10-31T20:25:00.000-08:00

Dancing with Distaster - the enticement of a girl in a boddice

2005-10-31T20:23:00.000-08:00

This has to be my favorite character. He was so true to his costume, did he really dress up? I love this photograph - so present in himself